"Subject: Gonzo's Nose this Saturday
80s Night XII is this coming Saturday. A couple of new tunes featuring moi, to boot. Kara, if Kim Sears hasn't left town yet, this could be her last chance to find her purse! ..."
I don't think the back story is necessary here. I know if you weren't around for "The Mystery of the Lost Purse" at the Clarendon Ballroom, it is highly likely you were there for "The Mystery of the Lost (Sometimes Stolen!) Something or Other" at Madhatter, Lucky Bar, Panache, Bistro du Coin, J.M.'s couch, a couple of cab rides here and there, etc. And if you weren't lucky enough to ever actually witness a lost purse moment I know darn good and well you've heard about them.
Having things lost - several times stolen - is kind of my M.O. But very soon I will be testing my reputation in another town, leaving an open spot in the group that will need to be filled.
Who will fill this role when I'm gone? Who will end everyone's night on an exciting and drama-filled note?
It will need to be someone with the ability to get everyone running like mad around the bar, searching in vain under tables and in trash cans for the lost or stolen item(s). Someone who can quickly learn the ins and outs of the D.C. DMV, the DCPD, insurance companies, and how they are supposed to work together. The most important skill for this position, however, is the willingness to ruin bouncers, bartenders, bar owners/managers, or anyone in authority, particularly the DMV.
I have a couple proteges in mind that I may pass the torch to, however, applications for this position are still available, and with two weeks left there is plenty of time to interview for the job.
So, get going ladies and show me what you've got!